Maura on The New Era of Journalism icyspot on The New Era of Journalism cyrus kyalo on First of Many- Beginnings Maura on Take up That Challenging Job a… Maura on LOOK WELL, THEREFORE, TO THIS…
- May 2017
- April 2017
- March 2017
- January 2017
- December 2016
- September 2016
- August 2016
- July 2016
- June 2016
- May 2016
- April 2016
- November 2015
- October 2015
- September 2015
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- January 2015
- October 2014
- September 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
I vividly remember how I went back home after picking my admission letter at Moi university. I’d been accepted as a student of communication & journalism. During the revision of the courses I had told my mum that I would not pick Journalism, it was in my list though. Anyways, my mum knew that I’d picked it , they always know since I have always been quite the talkative madam eloquent reporter from a young age. My son is so like me lol he’s at that age where one has to be very careful about what they say before him because he’s really good at reported speech 😀 Okay, back to my story.
I did a post here, about 1.5 years ago on my attachment in a radio station. During that year and afterwards I really felt like radio was my thing. Hosting shows, reading the news and reporting felt like they belonged to me. I loved it , described myself as a Radio Personality from then on, I couldn’t wait to clear school & live my life in radio. I am naturally a person who speaks a lot, words definitely come easy for me. Fast forward to 2017 and this girl gets called for a Television job. Wow! I always told myself that I was a Tv face trapped in a radio personality haha so here is the chance finally.
Television– First of Many
I will save all the details about my fears, self doubt & lack of self encouragement for another article later. I get to work on Wednesday and guess what, yours truly is asked to do the 1pm news bulletin. Let’s just say it was what my boss called baptism by fire. It was a success fully loaded with a fast beating heart, shaky hands & really rugged hair with deep breaths after ushering in a reporter.
PS: I am working on my YouTube channel where I shall upload the video to share with you(when I feel ready) how what I dubbed my First of Many was like. It definitely was a beautiful experience.
Before I complete this work of writing which doesn’t feel like my own since it’s more of a diary, I would love to thank everyone who kept encouraging me. Especially the few friends who reminded me of how I would recite my solo verses, address a parade & read out loud in class. Y’all made me bury the doubts, you are wonderful.
Moral of the story
I am an advocate for trying new things, for stepping out of comfort zones & taking up challenging jobs to grow but I know too well that beginnings are the toughest. You may feel like you were cut out for something but the strength, energy & will power to begin may be lacking hence you remain stuck.
It doesn’t matter how scary your beginning is, once you set the ball rolling, you’re going to want to keep it rolling- that’s the beauty of it. You can work on your mistakes along the way.
Waswahili husema Ushakula ngombe mzima mkia utakushinda?
The year is 2017. I do not have the tightest of abs that I had vowed to get in 2016. The mommy tummy is still there, 3 years later and the year that I was to work on it is gone already. What could have gone wrong? Given that I have a girl friend with sleek abs, a girl friend who worships the gym.
The problem must have been that I set the bar too high, oh no, not really. It must be that I gave myself an ultimatum when I know too well that I do not work with those. I do not handle well with things that say they MUST be accomplished.
Enter 2017, I wear this tight dress that I like but there goes my tummy. Looking unflattering and ruining my petite figure.
I decide that I will work on it each day and go on to do a few crunches and leg ups. When the hard part (sit ups) comes up, I call my son to help. I order the baby to sit on my knees as I work my core. I have found some use for him hehee now he can sit pretty but also work for his mama.
2nd January, 2017 reaches and I know that I need to work out to strengthen my abdominal muscles but I have no zeal. Half an hour later, mini me wakes up and says ‘Leo hatuja-eksais’ (we haven’t exercised today) then he goes ahead to do some, of course the leg ups. I feel challenged and work it for him. Lol.
Fast forward to 9th January , a routine has been already been formed; with Mr.Handsome ever reminding me of the exercises. So I have decided that in 2017, I will not make any resolutions that should be attained by say the first quarter of the year or the end of the year. 2017 is going to be the year where I look forward to the day in my life where I wake up ready to tackle everything that I need to do with passion and hard work. Like working towards losing the accumulated fat around my tummy.
2017 is going to be the year which I may be hit so badly with the quarter life crisis because friends and family will ask me ‘what is your plan.’ Or I will ask a friend what they will be doing during the year and everything will seem so panned out for them. Some will be working , some will be in business and some will be tarmacking for jobs and getting positive feedback all through. And that’s when the feelings of hopelessness will start kicking in, but I hope I won’t get there.
Why because, 2017 is also the year that I said LET IT BE AS GOD WILLS. Therefore, I will put in my effort every day and let God do the rest in his own time and speed. #GodSpeed.
And as the South African singer and preacher Solly Makhalange 😂😂says you can never go wrong with 2017 because it starts with God and ends with God, I will live a day for what it is, looking foward to it’s tidings. I will handle each day at a time.
Chinua Achebe’s quote summarises and echoes all these too well.
“For yesterday is but a dream, And tomorrow is only a vision, But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, And every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day.”
Note: If you are like me and ‘cannot’ attain your goals rather, set out to achieve whatever you want to then it is about time you worked a day of your life to being the best you can ever be. Call each day your own to reach whichever milestone in whatever thing you’re engaging yourself in.
Notice that cannot is in quotes because EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
How often do you pass off certain jobs because your mind says ‘I can’t do that, I don’t feel ready’?
Lately, in my MIA months of blogging , I have been doing tasks that I never imagined I would. I will not delve into details as it would be too much and may not end. I have basically though done all sorts of jobs, with no experience at all, because I convinced the person in charge that I could do it and still learn on the job. Sounds easy, right?
I have since figured that one can never learn for as long as s/he creates a comfortable box to fit in. Saying that I have never done this kind of job, I can’t handle it, I have no training is the beginning of cushioning your mind to rest, to not accept any challenges. Do you know how much growth and experience you can gain from taking up a task that you thought you couldn’t do? Is the feeling of being a conqueror exciting to you?
Sometimes, saying ‘No, I can’t handle this’ saves you from the embarrassment of not being able to deliver but other times, accepting to try is everything that you need to do. I did my first amateuristic but not so unprofessional interview during the week and I learnt a lot. A lot that I couldn’t have learnt if I had listened to myself and fed the fears. Earlier on, I had felt like I shouldn’t take the offer up. I felt like what I was supposed to do, if I did it, would not be worth anyone’s time. I manned up and did the interview, regardless.
What I am trying to say in so many words and testimonies is that your own thoughts, perceptions of yourself and beliefs are what define you. If you want to be a failure, if you want to fear and be afraid of challenges then tell that to yourself. If you want to be and feel accomplished, if you want to learn a new thing then convince yourself that you can do it.
You have to get out of your chilled-in, laid back zones where nothing is new, challenging or hard to do. You have to try so hard and keep trying until something happens.
Today, take up that challenging job and OWN it. Remember that the only limitations that you have are those that you convince yourself about.
There will be turning points in life, so when they come, embrace them and remember change is a good thing ~ L Meheula.”
I gazed at the rain drops outside. It had suddenly started gushing and dropping with a lot of anger on the ground. The rich smell of the earth was fading as the heavy drops continued forming spirals on the ground. I felt the urge of going into the rain but on second thought figured that it was not so much of a good idea. I wanted to cry in the rain, I mean no one would notice. The rain would quickly wash the tears away as soon as they dropped. This rain that had been waited upon for so long had finally come, and it swept away dirt, cleared the air and most importantly gave life to crops, rivers and other forms of life that depended on it. I wanted just THAT. A NEW BEGINNING
Many were the times I had cried, but today as I looked outside my window, I wanted it to be the LAST time. I meant it. I literally wanted all the tears and pain that ever demanded to be felt to be washed away. That was very much possible. I felt some kind of strength today , sensed some finality in the way I said “Today is the last day I will waste crying about things, past or present.”
So what did I do to get here? To this point of no return. I leaned towards the internet for information and boy! I got it in plenty
I read personal journeys of people who had gone through struggles and how they came out of it. About anger, resentment, forgiveness, frustrations, ill feelings, revenge to name just but a few. One thing that stood out for me in all these experiences I was/am reading about is the strength it takes to finally let go. Letting go and forgiving someone to let your own soul free saps up all the energy one has reserved but for a greater good , a new beginning.
In all these articles, each person, a different person spoke about how resentment was taking a toll on their own lives. Resentment is like taking a hot coal hoping that it will burn the other person. This was my light bulb moment, I immediately realised how much resentment I harboured within, how it affected the quality of my life and made me a shadow of my former self.
It now occurred to me that this comment (you hardly talk much these days) was another person’s view of my change.
I had become what I was not supposed to be, I was not me. I was busy occupying my mind with hatred, resentment and obsessive thoughts of payback. It had consumed my entire being, it locked me out. And like the internet people sharing their own stories, the journey began. I am still a work in progress, sometimes I just want to have an outburst of rage but I remember that that is where I am coming from and I don’t want to go back. Right now, I am reading about emotional numbness, I found an article that was talking about how good it is to be numb, it is a major part of the healing process. Here goes excerpts from the same.
“Perhaps that empty chasm in our hearts is taking the place of the broken space. It’s filling the void with something neutral…a buffer. A space to let go of the pain so there’s room for the newness, for life.” (laurawallin.com)
Reading that paragraph above gave me so much power, seeing that I am in this stage where no emotion makes sense. I am neutral, neither loving nor hating. But if indeed it is a buffer, creating space for the new then so be it. I want to reclaim my life and live it to the fullest. I have zero time now to focus on problems that are not about me, the person that I intend to be.
I AM STILL
(Depressed Frustrated Angry Unloved Bitter Fed up Annoyed Hateful Sad Hopeless Helpless)A WORK IN PROGRESS
Cheers to a new beginning of a life full of happiness, love, laughter, hope and more forgiveness.
Mary’s opinion, Cheryl’s opinion. Grace’s opinion, Mike’s opinion, Everybody’s different opinion. All these unsolicited opinions and thoughts from different people on how I should handle/live my life drown me. Now I’m thinking about Mary’s, I will think about Mike’s in the next minute and the cycle continues. I cannot sleep with all these ideas from a people so different.
Today, I decided that I won’t hear none of it. I decided that I just needed to go to a quiet place, away from judgemental and strongly opinionated people. I decided to not only listen to what I really said about myself but also what I feel about everything (circumstances; good and bad, my relationships et al)
Isn’t that all that matters? My opinion about my own self? Love/hate/any other emotions in between that I project are only a reflection of what I deeply feel about me and my circumstances.
I decided to filter out the ‘noise’ and focus on ME. I realise that I have never really given time for me
, I have never chosen myself before everyone else. I have always felt like I needed to pull everyone else up with me. In my moment of silence and tranquility, I discover that we all cannot be on the same page (of thoughts, growths, perceptions, situations pour nommer que cela.)
‘Could this feeling and need of wanting my relations to be on the same page with me drain my energy?’ I ask.
Yes it does drain my energy, my being and my ability to be greater than I am today.
Today, I won’t keep on fighting. It’s important that I have figured when to fight and when to stop fighting. I have listened to what really matters, that is my own voice about me. Many are the times that this voice has been overshadowed but now it has become loud. I cannot shut it forever.
Today, I choose me, I choose myself. I choose to focus on the real essence of my existence, on my uniqueness because everyone else is taken. I choose to cherish every moment and savour it without caring about what so and so says.
When was the last time you chose you?
When was the last time you listened to what only you say about yourself?
When was the last time you looked into a mirror and praised your ‘perfections’ if any?
When was the last time you let God fill your emptiness?
Answer those questions, find yourself and finally start living the life that you deserve. Only you can give you the BEST. Only you can give you what you desire, do not let people’s opinions about you , solicited or unsolicited, define what you think about yourself. Be unique. Live that enriching & fulfilling life for once without caring about the ‘noise.’
Filter it all out.